Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Saga of Fat Joe

Holla,

This may be a multi-post story, depending on how long I feel like writing. Could I edit this sentence at the end of my blog, when I know whether it is going to be a multi-post or not? Yes, but I don't like to edit anything that I've already written. I'm lazy and that seems like a ridiculous amount of work.

So this entry again starts in the wonderful world of Craigslist. By the way, to add to my posting from yesterday, I found a hilarious response to an ad on Craigslist today. Response posts are typically made by very angry people that have been ripped off or placed into shady situations. This particular post was in response to an for natural figure models. Here is the post:

THIS GUYS A PERV AND A SICKO. HE SHOOTS IN HIS CONDO DOWNTOWN SD. ALL HE WANTS IS NUDITY. HIS PLACE HAD DIRTY DISHES PILED TO CEILING. HE IS NOT PROFESSIONAL AT ALL. HE TOLD ME THE ONLY WAY I COULD MAKE SOME REAL MONEY IS IF I TOOK A SHIT ON CAMERA!! WATCH OUT FOR THIS PERV!!!

I'm not usually a fan of the all cap writing, but the text yelling seems appropriate in this situation. Keep in mind that the posting that I see are coming from the jobs and gigs section of Craigslist. I'm not delving into the 'adult' or 'personal' areas, which I'm convinced would result in receiving a STD of some sort just from clicking on the links.

Back to the original story. A few months ago I responded to a posting that was looking for actors for a feature length film. There were a couple of misspellings in the ad and not a lot of details about the project, but I chose to respond anyway. My acting abilities are suspect, and I don't have a lot of desire to become a professional actor, but I wanted to gain more perspective into the entire movie making process. I was interested in the project, thinking that it could be a great learning experience for me.

After a couple of emails back and forth, I agreed to meet with the writer, director, and producer of the project for an audition. We'll call him George for the purposes of this post. We decided to meet in Balboa park, which is relatively close to my house, on a Saturday morning. I was under the impression that he was meeting with the other cast members and crew in the park, and that I was going to audition just before they met.

I arrived to the park about ten minutes early, expecting to see a few tables or at least folding chairs to designate where they were meeting. I stood in the agreed upon location for about half an hour before I started to wonder what was going on. Did George see me standing there and decide that I wasn't appropriate for the part on the spot? Did he forget about the meeting? Was this part of some sort elaborate prank?

I started looking around for hidden cameras and people that might be involved in the movie. The only people in the surrounding area of the park were a couple walking their dog, a group of guys playing football, and a large individual standing against his car. I glanced at this large individual a couple of times, wondering if he was the George that I was looking for. He looked exactly like Fat Joe, the infamous rapper and member of the Terror Squad.

After a few more glances at Fat Joe, I had convinced myself that it was the rapper, living in San Diego, making hit records, and developing new dance steps to add to "Lean Back." I was working up the courage to approach him and ask him about the demise of Big Pun, when he started looking back at me. I thought that he was going to shoot me for sure. I had taken one too many glances at him.

Much to my despair, Fat Joe started walking towards me. There were a couple of awkward minutes where I pretended to not notice him waddling in my direction while trying to maintain my ground, just in case director George decided to appear. It took every ounce of my will to avoid looking back in his direction. He was either going to punch or stab me. That was an unavoidable fact.

When he was about ten feet away, he called out to me. "Hey, are you Micah?"

Surprised, I turned to him, saw an exact replica of Fat Joe and said, "Yes, are you George?"

Fat Joe: Yes
Me: Oh okay
Fat Joe: You here to audition?
Me: Yes, but I didn't know exactly where to go.
Fat Joe: You're in the right spot. Lets go to my car. I have some sides for you to read through.

We headed off to his car, which looked like it had taken a fall of a cliff directly into the ocean, sat there for a couple of days, and then towed back into dry ground. The back seat had every variety of fast food wrapper that I could think of and a motorcycle helmet. Trying to make small talk I said, "Do you have a bike?"

He looked at me kind of strangely and said no, and didn't say another word about it. He pulled a collection of loose papers from the back seat and tried to smooth out the crinkled edges.

Fat Joe: Alright, you are going to read for the part of Kevin.
Me: Okay. Can I ask what the story is about.
Fat Joe: It's about three guys that go to a cabin in the woods. There is a psycho killer in the woods also, and he kills them off one by one.
Me: And Kevin is one of the guys?
Fat Joe: That's right.

So I read a couple of the sides. The dialogue was not written that well, including more than a few misspelled words. I got hung up on one line that said, "You never gointa catch me asshole," because I wasn't fully clear on what "gointa" was referring to, but I managed to get the part in the end. Fat Joe said he would email me the script and the shooting schedule in the next week.

I walked away from the meeting a little concerned, but mainly excited for getting the part. Since starting life in the unemployment line, I get excited about all of the victories, no matter how small or insignificant they might be.

More on the saga to come...

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