I have no problem with dogs. Generally, I'm a big fan. I grew up with a successive trio of cockapoos*.
*Quick side note; the cockapoo is possibly the worst dog breed for a middle school aged boy to own. The name still makes me giggle. Cockapoo...tee hee hee. So hilarious.
I loved each of our family dogs. I enjoy spending time with friend's dogs. If a random dog approaches me in the street, I will regularly give them a little scratch behind the ears and speak to them with a strange dog/baby voice. "Who's a good boy? You are. You're a good boy."
Dogs express joy better than any other creature in the world. The overjoyed look on their face, the entire body wagging, and the occasional peeing of themselves when they see their owner is unrivaled in the animal world. There is no other pet that could best the reaction of a dog. Cats may appear when you enter the room, if only to deliver a "Oh, it's you." or a "You should be wetting yourself to see me" look. Fish have no idea what's going on. A bird will chirp at unbearably piercing levels. I'm unsure about ferrets, or hamsters, or pigs, or monkeys, but I'm going to guess that they aren't delivering the same amount of enthusiasm as a dog.
Regardless of appearance or likability or beliefs, they will provide companionship for people. There is a crazy lady that has started to make appearances around the hood, collecting broken umbrellas and avoiding the constraints of a bra, while constantly having a golden retriever by her side. The golden retriever doesn't realize how bat-crazy this woman is or judge her for talking to the fence posts outside the AM/PM gas station. All the dog knows is that this woman will occasionally feed it, and supply a warm body to sleep next to while in the streets.
For these reasons, and others, I love dogs. The joy, loyalty, and companionship that they provide make them easy to adore. It makes me start to wonder about getting a dog of my own...
...and then, one half second later, I immediately shut down that line of thinking. I spent the weekend dog sitting for my friends, receiving a small taste of exclusive dog ownership. They have two dogs, a black lab and a boston terrier, who are a generally good mannered pair. Bucky and Sheeba are not puppies. They like to sleep. They don't whine very often and seem to entertain themselves. Here are a couple of pictures.
And yet, even with all of this, my laziness and self-obsession become very apparent when I'm the caretaker of something other than myself. The following are actual conversations that I had with the dogs this weekend.
-You want to go outside again? I just let you out 5 minutes ago, and I just got comfortable on the couch.
-What do you think about not going for a walk today? How about we just watch some tv instead?
-Stop trying to snuggle with me! It's too hot and your breath smells awful. Go sleep on the other side of the bed.
-I don't want to wake up yet. Stop pawing at my face.
I basically turned into a middle aged married man, griping with my wife. Only that my wife turned out to be two dogs in this case. Instead of being a dog owner, I prefer to be a dog uncle. I like to swoop in, play with the dogs for a moment, and then promptly exit when the real responsibilities kick in. Walks, medication, picking up poop, that's all on you, dog owner. I'll just be over here, ready to throw a ball or give them a treat.
I'm guessing that part of the reason that I'm so averse to dog care is that they aren't my own. If I were the sole parent of another life, I may have more energy to put into the relationship. That's the theory at least. I'm hoping that this is the case, because I would really enjoy earning the role of 'father' some day. I would play catch with my child, teaching him or her the ways of the world, making them laugh at my hilarious jokes, tickling them, telling them bedtime stories...
...and then promptly handing them to my wife if they are crying, need something to eat, or require a new diaper. It's the perfect plan.
-More to come...
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