Comment Boxing

Holla,

In light of the fact that I received an anonymous comment on one of the posts from last week, I am going to dedicate an entry to the discussion and present my rebuttal. In case you missed it, here is the comment:

Track suits still are cool. Troll dolls and NKOTB, not so much. Who was your favorite New Kid?

I have to start by thanking Anonymous for the material for another blog entry. Without you, none of this could have been possible. I would also like to thank Google Image search, as it has provided a wide range of visual stimuli that I will use in this discussion.

Onto my first point: Track suits are cool...

I will agree that tracksuits have evolved into something acceptable to wear today, however, there was a period of the late eighties, early nineties that brought us retina-damaging colors and sonically-offensive sounds that were completely uncalled for.

At that time, tracksuits were made of some sort of shiny, almost reflective nylon material that would make the pffft pffft sound as you walked. I would be sitting my elementary school classroom, attempting to not move, so that I wouldn't be overpowering the teacher's lecture with my pffft pffft's.



In addition, the tracksuits were often very bright and very coordinated. If you had a swatch of florescent green on the shoulder, you were most likely going to have a matching swatch on the lower pant leg. Color symmetry was very important. If you ever were trying to sneak up on someone, the worst outfit you could have chosen was a 1990 era tracksuit. Not only would they hear you approaching, but they could make out the colors of your outfit from a mile away.



One last thing. For some reason, the suits were cut in a very odd way. They generally had normal sized wastes, with an extended crotch section, that would then narrow down as the pants approached your ankles, often ending with an elastic band. Think Hammer Pants. Throughout the day, my tracksuit pants would start to creep up my lower leg, causing me to fight a constant battle of pulling them back down to my tubesocks. It was an irritating affair.


There is no part of me that thinks this looks cool.

In the end, I knew the exact moment that I had to give up wearing my tracksuit. I had received some for Christmas the previous year, and had proudly rocked it throughout the hallways of Westview Elementary. In the following year, my grandmother received a tracksuit for Christmas that was eerily similar to one that I owned. Upon returned home, I immediately buried my collection in the back of my closet, never to be worn again.

Point number two: Troll dolls are not cool...

When I was in fifth grade, I received a troll doll from my first girlfriend for Valentine's Day. He had pink hair and a tuxedo. I think that I gave her a mood ring and a packet of sweet hearts. It was the most romantic point in my life...

I will agree that troll dolls are no longer cool for someone of my advanced age. I couldn't justify having a collection of them sitting in my room now, but I can't say that they aren't cute. I could see how they might still be appealing to someone much younger than I.



At a certain age however, having a close relationship with dolls are stuffed animals becomes unacceptable. You may think that you have a cute collection of Pound Puppies or Cabbage Patch Dolls, but the rest of the world finds you uber-creepy. See visual evidence below.


This guy would do terrible things to your stuffed animals.

This is somehow different for middle-aged women. When the Beanie Baby movement hit a few years ago, I would see women driving around with hundreds of the dolls in the back window of their car. I never understood why this was occurring, but it was somehow acceptable. The lesson here:

40 year old woman with dolls - Hobby.
40 year old man with dolls - Run away as quickly as possible.

In the end, I would say that troll dolls could still be considered cool for young children. If I were 10 years old, would I shun the gift of a troll doll from my girlfriend? Probably not.


If a gorilla digs them, then so do I.

Point number three: NKOTB is not cool...


NKOTB 1990

I never considered New Kids on the Block to be cool. I always considered them a little weird, even as a young child. They brought quite a number of questions to mind:

Why was that one guy so angry all the time?
Why was the 12 year old humping the microphone stand?
What's with the pelvic thrusts?

That didn't mean that I didn't listen to their music, or attend their concert when I was in third grade. Far from it. I embraced NKOTB because that's what everyone else was doing. I may not have had a lunch box or a picture of Joey on my wall, but I didn't shun them. At the time, I enjoyed the cool stylings of the California Raisins and the Stand By Me soundtrack far more than "Hanging Tough", but I wasn't going to let my peers know that.

But that doesn't mean that they weren't cool, or aren't cool today. In fact, New Kids have reunited and are coming out with a new album. I've had friends go to their concert. Maybe it's a little bit of a novelty act, but they can still evoke enough emotion to sell out arenas. And for that, New Kids, you are cool.


NKOTB today

Point number four: Favorite New Kid...

I have to go with Donnie. Mainly because I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to constantly maintain the bad boy image. In every picture that he's in, he's mean-mugging. It's impressive, earning my respect and the title of "Micah's favorite New Kid." That sounds awful.

That's all I've got. Thanks again to the Anonymous poster. More comments = more better. Make your voice heard!

-More to come...