Bad Touch

Holla,

Contrary to the title of this blog, I have been gainfully employed since the end of April. For a couple of weeks I cleaned glassware, scrubbed floors, and restocked beer coolers in a sufficiently competent fashion, leading to a quick promotion to bartender. I would like to say that the promotion was exclusively due to the skills that I had demonstrated as a barback, but that would be a lie. In all honesty, it was more likely due to the exit of a fellow employee that provided this opportunity for me. The employee had been hired around the same time as myself, but started working as a bartender. Within two weeks he had decided that Confidential was not for him and left.

At the time, I thought he had completely lost it. I had been looking for employment for nearly six months before I found this position. I would cradle any tip money that I received, whispering sweet nothings to it as I fell asleep at night. He had been looking for work for a while as well, and he gave up the dream after only two weeks. Two weeks! I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

However, he may have had a vision of what was to come in the upcoming weeks at Confidential. Business has gotten gradually slower with every week that I've been employed there. Starting with his exit, we have lost two chefs, another bartender, three door guys, and a server. They have all left for other jobs at busier, more profitable bars. In the last two nights, we have closed early because there wasn't a single person in the building past midnight. I was making a higher hourly rate writing home improvement articles and acting in educational videos. If only there was an E-3 sequel...

Now, this isn't to say that I'm planning my exit as well. After hundreds of emails and interviews during my unemployed period, I'm thankful for having anything that offers me compensation. If someone was paying me to dance around the streets of San Diego in a gorilla costume, I would remain loyal to them.

More than anything, this loss of business, and subsequent mass exodus, has caused me to question whether I am cursing anything that I touch. Here is a brief list, as I am extremely fond of lists, which demonstrates some of my destructive tendencies:

-Hired at Confidential. Business declines, everyone leaves, building will soon go up in flames.
-Write extensively about the Minnesota Twins. 2008 season ends in heartbreak. 2009 team is mired in mediocrity.
-Started writing about the Minnesota Timberwolves after an incredible January record. Team star is soon injured and out for the season. Team tanks down the stretch.
-Started a t-shirt company for Madison graduates after business partner and roommate sells over 50 shirts in one day. Haven't sold a single t-shirt in over a month.
-Was a member of 5 different intramural teams in San Diego. All failed...miserably.
-Started watching John and Kate plus 8 after viewing it once with little sister. John then cheats, Kate goes crazy, children will soon go on a massive killing spree.
-Moved to California. The state will run out of money in two weeks, effectively becoming bankrupt.

I am now convinced that the curse of Micah is alive and well. I'm kissing everything in a fairly deadly fashion. Anyone reading this blog should be extremely wary. I'm not telling you to stop reading. Far from it. Read! Comment! Tell your friends!

Just be careful out there.

-More to come...